A dear friend of mine called to support me in this blogging/weight loss endeavor and she said a really powerful statement to me. She made a comment that I am just wearing a fat jacket...it served its purpose for a time...I felt I needed to wear the jacket and now I have decided I don't need the jacket and it is time to take it off. That metaphor feels so good and true...and it makes it sound so easy, which I love. It is simple and true, this idea that I AM NOT MY FAT. I am inside and underneath and hidden beneath this shell that I have created around myself. The true me is hiding inside.
So then she asked me the BIG QUESTION so what is it all about? For me the answer is simple, deep down I feel unworthy, unlovable and less than. That is it for me, this weight is about disguising the true me because I am afraid to show it. Well the truth is when I evaluate who I am as a whole I am a pretty good person. I do my best to help others, I try and work on myself and better myself. I do my best to not hurt people and make up when I do. I try to be fairly ethical and honest, and I have dedicated my life to try and make my corner of the world a little better. I am not perfect, I have my faults but as far as people go I am doing okay. I am not Charles Manson(one of the most evil people I can think of) or Mother Theresa(one of the most selfless I can think of) but, I am a good, decent human being. I vow to remind myself of this every time I feel the urge to overeat or put something unhealthy in my mouth.
Time to get the kids in bed and hit the treadmill! Lets see if I can beat that 24minute mile or at least not go any slower!
Well I did it! I did the mile tonight in just 21 minutes. Woo hoo!
ReplyDeleteI like your blog and your assessment of the weight problem. I picture my weight like I am inone of those snow suits head to toe that zip up. I visualize unzipping it and stepping out of my fat self and back to the skinny me! I mailed you the book today that Sharon sent you on wheat belly., it is excellent! Keep up the good work on all levels and you will see your skinny you again before too long.
ReplyDelete--- Jaki
Rivkah, you are an amazing woman. Kindhearted, generous, smart, and a wonderful wife and mother. You're going to do this and feel even better knowing that you accomplished a really tremendous goal. Keep it up! Great job on the mile. The first one's always the hardest!
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